You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
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i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
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He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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