We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
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watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
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Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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