Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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