If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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