I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize