There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
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One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
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The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize