I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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