she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
