This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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