your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
