there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
