I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Terrible idea I love it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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