Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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