why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
