If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
