It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
