so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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