mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize