haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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