Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Life is so much better after having sex.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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