Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
