dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla