Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.