no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.