Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.