Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Randomize
Follow @tfln