the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think even the taco bell employees judged me