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• (305): View more from Florida

  The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.

  (1-240): View more from Maryland

  Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night

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• (310): View more from California

  Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.

  (1-310): View more from California

  Shall we take a trip back?

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  DC is easy, you will figure it out.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.

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• (914): View more from New York

  answer my text you professional douchebag

  (914): View more from New York

  and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that

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• (914): View more from New York

  Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick

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