ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
