i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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