i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
