ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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