even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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