Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
