I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
