38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
