Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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