Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize