the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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