threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
