did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
