just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
