you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
