Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
