if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
