So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
