Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
