it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
