There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
