there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
