I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Bring me that man meat
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize