haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
