I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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