just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
