Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
