fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
