my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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