We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
