people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
