how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
