wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
