mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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