Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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