she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
